New 5/19/12:

Today is lousy.

First I get criticized for the first time in a social anxiety forum, the only forum I've even attempted to fit into in ages since the debacle with the writing forum a couple years back, where I was there for a year/1500 posts and nobody even noticed when I left.  I was just starting to feel comfortable there, now I'm starting to feel awful again.  I told myself I wouldn't let such a thing happen again because I really need a place to belong to, or a support system, because after my psychologist (who is hinting at dropping me since I'm not getting any better and there are so many other, more promising clients who need help too, including one who ended up killing herself, must be my fault I took up valued therapy time she could've used to save her life--psychologist, who I used to really feel close to, did everything but say this outright), I have one online acquaintance, and then nothing.  Psychologist apparently thinks it's unethical to keep treating me, even though I've admitted suicidal thoughts and have no support system.  Meds are doing squat, like always.  Stopped taking them for several weeks and haven't noticed any difference on or off.  They're probably sugar pills.  She used to ask if I'd tell her before I feel like hurting/killing myself and I said I'd try.  Now?  Why bother?  It's obvious my life means next to nothing, if she can cut me loose so easily, knowing I have next-to-nothing to fall back on.  If/whenever I decide to end it, I won't be able to tell anybody.  I guess I'll have to really mean it, then.

Then last night or so somebody posts here looking for friends and although I never bother replying to such things because, who the hell needs or wants me as a friend?--and such posts always get dozens of replies I know I would never get, myself--something about the tone of it made me reply to offer a sympathetic ear or shoulder.  I didn't get a reply so I figured they found the friends they needed.  Oh well.  Peeked in on the thread today and this person has replied to EVERYBODY who replied...except me.  I was hard to miss, sitting in between two other posts they replied to.

I take the hint.  I feel like such a stupid f**king dumbass for bothering.  I have nothing to offer that anyone else wants, this just proves it.

I know I should "sleep on" posting anything like this but I feel like crap and I'm tired of it.  If Life doesn't want me existing then why doesn't It just get it all over with already?  I've tried to be a good person.  Makes no difference.  I see jerks get far more than I ever do, without trying.  I don't know why I don't deserve better but it's apparent I don't, so I'm tired of trying.

Today is lousy.  Tomorrow'll probably be the same.  This is what I get for trying to feel a little better.  If I just keep feeling lousy at least I know what to expect and will never be disappointed.

**********

Hello and welcome to my gallery.     I'm Tehuti.  (AKA Tehuti, Lord Of The Eight; tehuti88/tehuti_88; and sometimes social_phobe.)  I specialize in writing longer fiction (e. g., serials, novellas) but write the occasional shorter item, too.  I've also been known to take nature pictures and sometimes try to draw.  The subjects I have listed under my "Interests," and the groups I belong to, are what I mostly write about.

I have been sharing my work for free online since 2000.  I am not looking to get published, and am not looking for heavy-duty criticism.  Although unpublished, I have decent grammar/spelling skills and am content with my style as it is.  That doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement, but I learn best from just writing.  I share my writing merely in the hopes of entertaining others.

I have yet to succeed in gaining any return readers for any of my work, so comments from readers/fans are much appreciated.  I regularly go for months, if not years, without receiving comments on my work.  I would love sometime to hear from somebody with like interests and writing skills and perhaps even make friends, so don't be afraid to contact me personally.  I'm more likely to reply to a message than to a comment on an item since I don't usually check for comments as they're so rare.  I adore comments on my characters and such.

I have been diagnosed with severe social anxiety (social phobia), depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, possible attention-deficit disorder, and possible schizotypal personality disorder.  As such I'm quite broody, paranoid, and oversensitive.  Sarcasm in comments/critique doesn't work for me.  I believe in courtesy.  If I fail to respond, it's probably just my anxiety and scattermindedness, so please try again.

No.  I do not do Twitter or Facebook.  To me, "social networking" means just that, actually socializing, not just friending people and never getting in touch.  And if I could sum up what I want to say in 140 characters, it wouldn't be worth sharing.  I believe in actual communication, not status updates.  I've never found any real socializing or communication on such sites.  Just a bunch of friending and poking and farming.   

You may print out/download a copy of my writing or artwork for your own personal enjoyment, as long as my name and copyright info remain attached and you do not modify/distribute it.  Please do not alter, repost, or distribute any of my work, including photos, even if you give me credit; it's not stock and it's not public domain.  If you want someone else to see my work, please send them a link.  You may write "fanfiction" based on my written work/characters, as long as you give me credit in a link and let me know so I can see it myself before you post it publicly.

Below you can find links to more work of mine online.  Again, please feel free to contact me should you like what you see.

Thank you for stopping by.   

**********

My Writing

The Manitou Island Series
Long fantasy serials and short stories/novellas based on Ojibwa/Chippewa mythology; my most ambitious project

Kemet Stories
Short stories/novellas (and a novel) based on Egyptian myth

The D Is For Damien Series
Occult/drama/suspense (also anthro) series spanning many novels, only three of which are written (shorter stories also available)

The Trench Rats Series
Anthro series set in WWII; on hiatus

Miscellaneous Writing
Stuff that fits nowhere else

Character Stuff
I plan to maybe create a folder for character development-based items (coming soon?)

My Google Site
All the above plus a bunch more stuff

My InkSpot Portfolio and My Writing.com Portfolio
All the above plus a bunch more stuff plus my blog

My original writing at AdultFanfiction.net
Adult scenes and stories based on my original work; you must verify your age to view

My other writing at AdultFanfiction.net
My mythology-based adult writing; see the above

(While my adult writing is quite graphic, I believe in the use of characterization and plot in such items, so don't expect much "PWP" (porn without plot).)


My Sites

My Flickr Photos
Photos; needs updating

My Dreamjournal
Hundreds of dreams spanning from pre-1992 to the present; frequently updated

My LibraryThing
My library of books dedicated to the interests I write about

My second LibraryThing
The rest of my books


Cams

Horn's Bar Mackinac Island Cam

Island House Mackinac Island Cam

Mackinac Bridge Cams


Groups